either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The best revenge is premature balding
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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