Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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