I forgot how hot balto sounded
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
