i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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