I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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