Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
