dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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