i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
