There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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