saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
