I wish I could punch you in the face.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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