so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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