I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
