I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
