i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
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These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
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Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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