I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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