I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
