Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
