38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
