do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
