Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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