U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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