you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This is my gift to your gina
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
