I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
