I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
