How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
