Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ladies don't puke and tell
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
