I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
