is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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