Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
