Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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