some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
