New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
