I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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