just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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