This gyro tastes like lonliness
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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