You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
