Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
