ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
