it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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