the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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