I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
