Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
