you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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