We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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