I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize