I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
