I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
