so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
