you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
