Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
