He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
