it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
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Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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