Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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