so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
