party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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