Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
