There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
