When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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