I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
