i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
