i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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