Betty ford says i'm here all night
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
