i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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