i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
