I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
