It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The uberlube is also flammable
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
