Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
