We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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